sorry to be so, well, honest

So, since coming back to Cleveland after living in Macedonia (Europe) for two years, there have been a lot of adjustments (this is a general understatement). I appreciate many things about the European way of life, and there are also many perks to life in America as well. (blogging more in the earlier stages of this transition probably would have given a better idea of what that was like, but, I stink, and I didn't... but I blogging now. :)

There are some quirks and downfalls (upfalls too) of American culture, that, (myself being a cultural anthropologist of sorts) am taking note of, casually studying, trying to come to terms with...as I fervently attept to keep hold of some of the more valuable lessons/habits/ways of being that I learned from being submersed in European culture.

So I hate to be cliche, but about that whole, "how are doing?"..."fine, how are you" deal... I know that we are all supposed to be super tough and have it all together and put our best foot forward, but I guess I am not used to that anymore and want to really tell people how I am. In the same sense, I really want to know how people are doing. Actually, most people probably want to be heard, it's like, a basic human need, right?

What prevents us from being trandparent? Not that we should just let it all out to everyone, all the time. But, really. There is this sense of holding back...that I feel in a lot of people I talk with. A wall. Like, there is is code...some things you just aren't supposed to talk about. Unpleasant things, like, feelings.

I've found in my current transition it feels like there are constant hurdles to being my real self. I guess because I am trying to figure out who that is, in Cleveland, Ohio.

In the kitchen at my parents house, they have a daily calendar with these horribly cheezy inspirational quotes such as "The soul dances to the rhythm of the sea." and "Mother nature teaches us, if we will only listen." I usually read it, roll my eyes, and continue on with making my oatmeal. Yesterday though, the quote was, "Integrity is knowing who you are no matter what life brings your way." I started to roll my eyes (I have this bad habit, and actually used to get checks by my name for it back in grammer school)but then stopped and thought about it for a moment. I quickly came to this conclusion: I don't agree totally with this quote. I think that it would be nice to say that yeah, hard situations bring out our true self, and maybe they do a bit. But honestly, who I am, (and who you are) is completely based in who God is. When it comes to difficult and refining situations in life, if you don't have solid footing on the only solid foundation, then it's going to be rough(er). Luckily, our faith (as believers in Christ) isn't in our faith...but in Him.